before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
