No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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