Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
