I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
