She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
