i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Randomize
