I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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