in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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