I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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