You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
