you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
