No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
