im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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