Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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