I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
