theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
