Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Someone shattered a urinal.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
