Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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