she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
