I only kidnapped one of them. chill
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
