I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
