True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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