There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
