Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
