i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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