So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
