take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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