i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
