Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
