I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
