I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
We are all done wearing pants today
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize