if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
