Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
