he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize