that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
