she looked like the before picture.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
