GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
