Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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