apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
false alarm, still single
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
