i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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