I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
