Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Randomize
