I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
