Can i not drive my cunt home
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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