Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
