I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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