there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
