Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
