I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
