YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
