True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize