Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
