I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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