??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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