Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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