You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
