thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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