I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
