I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
