his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
