"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Houston, we have a blender
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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