I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
