I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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