your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
