put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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