I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
