we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
