Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
