Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
