We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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