my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
