I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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