Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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