It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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