Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
