Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
