I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The air was thick with penises
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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